In all fairness, “Columbo and the Murder of a Rock Star” probably had no chance with me from the start. 

This 1991 episode pits the Lieutenant against Hugh Creighton, “the world’s best defense attorney” (Dabney Coleman). Now, I happen to be intimately acquainted with the world’s best defense attorney: his name is Perry Mason, and, like Lieutenant Columbo, he lives and practices in L.A.. I can assure you that Mason bears no resemblance to Hugh, who shows no evidence of any legal prowess in or out of the courtroom. 

Hugh has hired a private detective (who is no Paul Drake either, believe me) and has learned that his live-in rock star girlfriend is cheating on him with a hot British drummer. Of course, Hugh decides to do her in and frame the Brit. The murder, which involves the use of a couple of different drugs and several bottles of champagne, is complex without being particularly interesting to watch.

Once again, I find a title on my draft list that isn’t really a distaff Columbo episode, but there is a female sort-of accomplice here. Associate attorney Trish Fairbanks (Shera Danese, aka Mrs. Peter Falk) figures out immediately what her boss has done, blackmails him into making her a partner and the next Mrs. Creighton, and then spends the rest of the episode protecting her investment. Speaking of Ms. Danese . . . If you want all the gossip on Columbo expertly dished out, you should become familiar with The Colombophile Blog. The Australian uber-fan who both analyzes and dishes the dirt on every episode. That’s how I learned that Ms. Danese, who appeared in several episodes of her husband’s series, stirred up quite a fuss on set in this one. I’ll let you read about it here. Sounds much more intriguing than the episode itself!

Dabney Coleman excelled at playing smarmy characters, but not once do I believe him to be an ace attorney. We see him in court disrupting the final summation of the prosecution using “comical” tactics that really got my back up! And then during the investigation, he has to be one of the most awkward liars Columbo has ever come across. Plus, it makes no sense that a man whose career is based on trying to get murderers off would treat with such disdain a man whose career has been a long and successful one landing murderers behind bars. Perry Mason treated Lieutenant Tragg with great respect, even friendship – and Tragg never arrested the right person!!

I don’t want to lay all my problems with this episode at Coleman’s door. The investigation feels like a series of way too many barely related set pieces strung together to fill ninety minutes. Columbo shares “comic” moments with a surly housekeeper, a girl in a mermaid outfit twirling in the air, a comical Japanese gardener (this is 1991 and still no enlightenment), even the rock legend Little Richard. Meanwhile, Coleman can’t seem to control his comic instincts in his interviews with Falk, and so it’s hard to take the proceedings seriously. By the time we get to the final “gotcha” scene, involving photographic masks and “berries that rain from the sky,” the whole thing has felt tortuously slow. 

 “Columbo and the Murder of a Rock Star” first aired in April, 1991. The next episode, “Death Hits the Jackpot,” didn’t show up until December 15, and all I can say is that the series benefited from the time off. “Jackpot” is superior in every way to “Rock Star”  – better script, better guest star, and while I still don’t think the episodes with female accomplices should count in our draft, at least this accomplice is a real accomplice, and her presence, for once, makes for some nice twists and turns of the plot.

Rip Torn had a long and storied career, but I really became a fan when he played Artie on The Larry Sanders Show. Known for his strong commitment to whatever part he played and for his temperamental nature, Torn had this off-kilter comedic quality that always made me laugh. Here he plays Leon Lamarr, a Southern jeweller with a slightly faded belle of a wife (Betsy Palmer) and a load of debt due to bad investments. Enter Freddie Brower (Gary Kroeger), Leon’s nephew and only living relation. Freddie is a nice guy but a bit of a loser – check out his mullet! – until, in one of those “only on TV” moments, he wins over thirty million dollars in the lottery. Freddie rushes over to his Uncle Leon’s jewelry store to get his advice on how to not split the money with his not-yet-divorced wife Nancy (Jamie Rose), and Uncle Leon generously offers to cash in the ticket himself and secretly give the money to his beloved nephew. 

Torn excelled at these kinds of parts: low-life skanks who can summon up the charm of Foghorn Leghorn when they need it. Of course Leon has no intention of giving up this stolen fortune, and he murders his nephew in a scene that is surprisingly hard-hitting and moving, not least because there is a witness: the pet chimpanzee of a neighbor whom Freddie has been watching. Yes, it was hard to watch the many chimp scenes because I kept thinking of Jordan Peele’s horror movie Nope. But Joey the chimp was adorable, and his acting during the murder quite powerful!! I’m also relieved to say that the chimp is not merely there for eccentric effect but ends up having a significant part to play in the final outcome of the case.

The repartee between Torn and Peter Falk throughout is wonderful because Torn is truly funny here (unlike Dabney Coleman in “Rock Star”) and it takes some of the weight off of Columbo. It almost makes up for the collection of “wacky” neighbors who live in Freddie’s building and who I imagine are supposed to be funny. They are not particularly funny, but I enjoyed Columbo’s interaction with them. Falk seems to go down better with me when he gets to play the straight man.

As with “Columbo Cries Wolf,” it’s impossible to discuss the distaff aspect of this episode without spoiling some nice twists. Suffice it to say that Leon’s accomplice does not behave herself, and that contributes to the downfall of the pair. It’s all very enjoyable. 

Columbo still had eleven more years as a presence on TV, although with only ten more episodes to go, the release dates were widely spaced apart. We have only four more episodes to concern us here, and I must admit I’m approaching them with some trepidation. One of them, however, is on my buddy Sergio’s Top Ten Episodes list, so I have something to look forward to!