It has been a dark and difficult winter that, for many of us, shows no signs of stopping. That makes it the perfect time to dive into some comfort reading. For this mystery fan that includes a select group of authors, names like Christie, Gardner, and Stout. 

Rex Stout is an author who always makes me smile, even if the exploits of Nero Wolfe and Archie Goodwin never seem to scratch my puzzle itch much. This time, I reached for 1953’s The Golden Spiders, a title I had planned on reading back in October, until I discovered that the first page of text was missing! It took me a while to locate an intact used copy, and then of course other items distracted me. But now there is no better time to turn to a good Nero Wolfe mystery in order to lift my spirits!

Wouldn’t you know it? I picked a title that contains one of the saddest hooks Stout ever produced! It’s also one of the strongest, however, and it begins delightfully at the start of the dinner hour as Wolfe berates his chef, Fritz Brenner, for mucking about with a favorite recipe. (Substitute tarragon and saffron for fresh sage leaves? Pfui!!) Then the doorbell rings, and Archie, smarting from Wolfe’s childish behavior ushers in a child: Peter Drossos, a twelve-year-old neighborhood urchin with a big story to tell. It seems Pete makes his coin by washing the windows of big cars when they’re stopped in traffic (the female drivers tend to pay him even as the men curse him). When he comes upon a grey Chevy, the driver, a beautiful woman with a scratched face and a pair of golden spiders dangling from her ears, mouths the words “Help!” and “Police!”) Then the man accompanying her in the car appears to stick a gun in her side, and the Chevy drives off. 

Pete is savvy enough to write down the car’s license number and bring it to Wolfe, hoping to split some sort of reward should the damsel in distress be rescued. Wolfe is at least considerate enough of Pete’s feelings to report the license to Inspector Cramer and to send Pete off with some cookies. And that should be the end of that for the detective – until Sergeant Purley Stebbins appears the next evening to report that the license number in question belonged to a car that, earlier that afternoon, ran down and killed young Pete.

It’s an atypically dark and moving moment in a Nero Wolfe mystery, and the book crackles and pops in an atypical way – for the first five chapters. There’s an emotional meeting with Pete’s mother, who offers her son’s measly earnings as a retainer to find his killer. Plus, that damned Chevy seems to be on a roll, killing again and again. What’s most shocking is that Nero Wolfe, the unperturbable (unless someone interferes with his set daily schedule) is perturbed. The boy ate at his table! Plus, the proliferation of victims has Wolfe worried that people will begin to think that anyone who consults him is marked for death! 

Unfortunately, about a third of the way through, the plot takes a turn for the typical. One of the victims, a wealthy socialite, was in charge of a New York charity to benefit illegal aliens, and the suspect list, composed of those who worked and socialized with her, is forgettable. Granted, the “illegal aliens” angle does make this 50’s novel feel newly relevant in these hectic American times. While I guess we all agree that nobody wants hardened criminals crossing our borders and plying their nefarious trade in our midst, the book reminds us that most people come to this country willing to work hard and contribute their best in order to earn the privilege of citizenship, a privilege that is mired in bureaucracy, and that there is historical precedent for unscrupulous monsters taking advantage of these poor souls trying to navigate this difficult path that will hopefully lead to a better life. 

Things pick up in the third act of the novel, which includes an action-packed adventure for Archie and Wolfe’s gang of investigators: Saul Panzer, Orrie Cather, and Fred Durkin. Still, everything ends up as it usually does in a Nero Wolfe mystery, with all the suspects gathered in Wolfe’s office and him plucking the murderer out of mostly thin air with only the slightest of clues to guide him. The final shock is that, by the end, poor Pete Drossos has been all but forgotten. I enjoyed the book for what emotional heft it contains, but even that has its ups and downs, and the mystery plot is lackluster. 

I found not one, but two television adaptations of The Golden Spiders on YouTube. The first is from the early 80’s series which starred William Conrad, who’s fine as Wolfe, and Lee Horsley, who’s handsome but lightweight as Archie. The show is sadly set in modern times (and the 80’s were not attractive times in terms of fashion), and the novel is jammed into a 48-minute time slot, which means lots of people and plot points are cut. The three most egregious changes for me are: 1) the writers chickened out of killing off Pete, who recovers nicely by the end; 2) the killer’s motive is changed to include some unnecessary sexual inclinations, and 3) Wolfe interrupts his scheduled time with the orchids to accommodate a suspect. To all of which I add my own “Pfui!”

A much better time is had with the millennial series that starred Maury Chaykin as Wolfe and Timothy Bottoms as Archie. The producers must’ve thought there was something special about this book because it was chosen to be the pilot episode of the series. Like all the adaptations that follow, this one is beautifully rendered in period style and so faithful to the plot that dialogue is lifted wholesale from the book. However, this episode makes one striking change from the book by including an epilogue where Pete’s mother briefly returns; it demonstrates that Wolfe and Archie have been, in their own way, deeply affected by their encounter with this family. Some rabid Wolfe fans may insist that this isn’t in keeping with the character, but I argue that it is a welcome button for one of the saddest cases ever tackled on West 35^th Street.