Imagine, if you will, that I was a book reviewer for the New York Times, and my boss – a scarlet-taloned woman named Glenda DeLage – pulls me into her office and purrs: “Bradley, I know your propensity for classic detective fiction. Why don’t you take the newest publication from the British Library, How to Survive a Classic Crime Novel, and give me a thousand words by end of day?” 

As Glenda lifts a crystal goblet to her lips, I have to figure out the right way to explain to her that it would not befit me to write a review about this book because its author, Kate Jackson, is not only a friend of long-standing but also a fellow mystery blogger and a member of my Book Club? How do you stay objective about a person with whom you share a private joke about boring-as-all-get-out mystery author Leonard Gribble, someone who mentioned you in the acknowledgements of the very book you’re being asked to review?? (Thank you, Kate!) 

On the one hand, I could say, “I’ll have it by 4:00!” and risk my reputation for scrupulous fairness. On the other hand, I could say, “no, thank you” – and risk being summarily fired. However, if Glenda is leaving the reading of Kate’s book to me and hasn’t opened its pages herself, there is a third option, and it involves grinding the little berries that dot the tree outside my home into a juice and slipping the concoction into Glenda’s kombucha. Problem solved!

Clearly Glenda is the sort of person who needs to read How to Survive a Classic Crime Novel because one look at her ermine muumuu and you can tell she’s marked to be a classic murder victim. But even the nicest person can be a murder victim, as Kate points out in her book, and we would all do well to listen to her advice, which has been honed from many years of extensive reading and writing about the genre on her blog Cross Examining Crime. Kate has showcased her expertise at many an event, including Bodies in the Library (where she will be again this weekend!) and the Agatha Christie Festival (where Kate will be talking this fall about surviving a Christie novel.) She is the author of two charming puzzle books, The Pocket Detective and The Pocket Detective 2, also by the British Library. 

How to Survive purports to be a tongue-in-cheek guide to getting through any Golden Age scenario intact, whether you’re in the “safety” of your own home (a separate chapter considers your garden), the office and places in-between. It warns you of the dangers of attending a party, going on vacation or falling in love. The “research” Kate uses to guide us to a goal of longevity are the mystery novels and stories of the last hundred years that she has consumed. We often kid Kate about how well read she is. Her “Book of the Month” feature on her blog often begins, “Busy times this month only left me with the chance to read 11 novels and 4 works of non-fiction.” (I’m lucky if I get the Book Club selection done in time!) Just for fun, I started counting: I came up with references to 229 mystery tales used as “evidence” in Chapters 1 – 2 alone. 

229

As an example, Chapter One, “Home Sweet Homicide,” provides a check list for domestic safety like no other. It makes one almost relieved to be too poor to have an isolated mansion in the country, complete with study, library, and swimming pool, as all of these can be – and have been – transformed into a scene of the crime. And pity the poor, er, rich tycoon who has to deal with this servant problem:

“One issue that has caused much furor is whether domestic staff should be given a TV. Do you risk your housekeeper leaving you unless a TV is installed in the kitchen? Or do you risk the potential for violent TV dramas to influence how your housekeeper expresses her dissatisfaction towards you? Which would you choose? The possibility of a gory death or the bleak prospect of having to wash your own dishes and do your own hoovering? Tough choice.”

How to Survive a Classic Crime Novel is charmingly packaged by the British Library and contains delightful illustrations by Joanna Lisowiec. As much fun as it is to read, the book serves a double purpose: it provides the casual reader with many assurances of the various tropes and patterns that crop up on classic mystery fiction, and it provides a formidable bibliography of titles (the “evidence” here) all nicely categorized for your information. Thus, if you are interested in theatrical mysteries, you can turn to Chapter Three, “Murder Is My Business, and flip to the section called “She Fell Among Actors.” Within its four amusing pages, Kate manages to drop two dozen titles of crime novels set in or around the theatre world. 

Part witty homage, part resource of new/old titles, and, knowing Kate, an earnest attempt to support your goal of living through that weekend at your in-laws, this is the perfect gift to stow with you this summer and switch out to whenever you feel that Brian Flynn novel you also brought along is a slog. For my American friends, don’t even bother looking for it yet on Amazon; British publications get here so slowly you would think they’re traveling in steerage. (I reviewed Janice Hallett’s third novel last February, and it’s not due to be published in America until the beginning of next year!!) My advice is to order it from Blackwell’s, a wonderful British institution that even provides free shipping. And when you do read the book, make sure you don’t skip the Acknowledgement at the end: Kate has quite a grand group of friends, all of them smart, funny, literate people.

Somebody should pass that word along to Glenda DeLage!